It has been a minute since I have written anything and let me tell you why. If you don't care to know well then you can stop reading here or scroll to the bottom.
It has been three months since I arrived in Ireland. It somehow seems so much longer but weirdly feels like I just arrived. Time is a weird concept to me. Anyways, it has been an interesting time here. We often plan things out in life as to how we want something to go. Some of us picture our life a certain way like maybe graduating college, getting your dream job, finding the love of your life, getting married and having kids. That's just one example. Others, like myself, didn't have a plan. But when something like moving to Ireland was the plan and it didn't work out, it's a bit of a letdown.
Where to begin.
It all started with my cold from hell. I know that a cold is not a big deal and you're probably thinking "Lauryne, oh my goodness. You're such a child." Yes, I realize a cold is not that bad but when it lasts 2 months, antibiotics don't work, you can't sleep because you're coughing all night, you injure your ribs because you're coughing so much and all you want is your mama, it is that bad. Yes, I know first world problems. But I had just moved to a new place and just wanted the comfort of my mum. So that's what started this adventure. Just a little "problem" though, it wasn't a huge issue.
The issue began when I applied for over 100 jobs and couldn't even seem to find something that would give me part-time work. I went on multiple interviews and the majority of the employers said they wanted someone on a stamp 4 visa. I am on a stamp 1. I cannot get a stamp 4 unless I am a resident, therefore have to marry an Irish person, and don't even get me started on the Irish men. Well, I will get started on that in the next little bit. So the job situation was such a struggle. I didn't want to come out here and just work some part-time retail job. I wanted to find something that would get my career going; something that I could add to my resume. I couldn't seem to catch a break. I also understand that if I REALLY wanted this I would have just found something for the meantime but I couldn't even find a meantime job. I did door knocking for one day and thought nope I cannot do this again. I did door knocking in Australia and it just wasn't something I wanted to go back to. So here I am jobless and running out of money. I came here to travel and to see Europe but you can't do that without some money. It's one of those things. If you have a full-time job and you're making money, you don't always have the time to travel. If you don't have a job and all the time to travel you don't have the money. You know, one of those things. It is what it is. (If anyone watches or knows of Love Island, that's a reference from Love Island).
Now, the male situation. I could go on and on and on about this but I will make it as short as possible. I know it's not just the Irish men however that is what I have been dealt recently so that's what I am going off of. I consider myself a lovely person. I think I am caring, funny, outgoing, open, honest, you know all of the great qualities you would want in someone. For some reason, I have always been unlucky in love. Which is fine, this isn't something that bothers me. However, when you get rejection after rejection from jobs and then rejection after rejection from males you start to wonder what is wrong with me? I know, there is nothing wrong with me and everything happens for a reason; I know that. But sometimes you do wonder. I have gone out with six different guys while being here. I would say four out of the six would be potential people I could at least see myself going out with a few times and possibly dating. They obviously thought differently. It's the same story every time. They say they are interested, we talk for a while, go out once or twice and then they ghost. I didn't realize ghosting was still a thing. GROW UP! And I'm going to leave that there because I can rant and rave for hours but is it worth it? Probably but I'm sure everyone can relate to shit boys who lie and tell you one thing but do another.
After being sick for so long, getting rejections from jobs, from men, oh and I fell and smashed my head on the toilet and had a minor concussion, I decided my current situation was not serving me with positivity and I was beginning to spiral…well, I already had. I was getting anxious and my depression was getting the best of me. I had never cried so much in my life. So, if you're in a situation like this you have to take care of yourself and do what's best for you. I've decided to go back to Canada. My mental health is my number one priority and at this point, I need to be around my friends and family. It was hard to make friends here because Galway is so small, I never really felt like I had the community I was looking for and it wasn't from lack of trying. Going home feels like the right thing to do and I'm not even upset about it.
Was coming to Ireland a mistake? Absolutely not! If I had never come, I know 100% that I would have regretted it. Not everything goes to plan, that's just the way life is and that is okay! I planned to come to Ireland and that is what I did. It did make me realize how much I love Canada and made me appreciate my friends and family even more.
I remember saying to my therapist; I just want to find where I belong and where my "home" is. She said to me my "home" would be where my community is; where I find people I connect with. When I am in Canada, the majority of my friends are scattered all over. However, I have friends everywhere so I always have someone to see. My family and friends are the people that keep me going, that keep me afloat and I love them for that. Sometimes you just need to go where you feel comfortable.
September 10th is when I will be going back to Canada. This flight was booked over a month ago because of my best friends wedding. Until then, I will do some day trips around Ireland and I'm going to Barcelona the end of August because I found a super cheap flight, accommodation and I mean I need beach, sunshine, and heat.
Relationship wise, I am currently taken…I am dating myself. I need to show myself some love after these few months of worrying and stressing. Sometimes we forget to love ourselves so that is what I am going to work on for a bit. Loving me and giving my body, mind and spirit the love and appreciation it deserves.
Well, that about sums up my life up until now. At this point, I'm just going to roll with the punches. Everything happens for a reason and this sure has been an adventure. I am happy right now though. It was a lot of ups and downs over the last little bit but like I always say, find something that makes you feel good. I have been going for runs, walks, doing my yoga, meditation, and all things that bring me back to the present where I belong. It's nice living in the present.
So, if you skipped all of that reading and scrolled right to the bottom thanks for taking the time to scroll. If you actually read this nonsense, thanks for reading. Until next time!
Just a little side note, the other reason I haven't written in a while was that I had applied for a content creator position where I had to do a written assignment as part of the interview process. Obviously, I didn't get the job so naturally, I thought I was a bad writer; hence the no writing for a while. Then I decided, fuck this I want to get my emotions out and here we are.