37 days since I have been in Ireland, but who's counting? How is everything going so far? Well, I have definitely had my ups and downs. The whole ‘you've moved to a new country, living in a beautiful place' high has kind of worn off. Not that I don't still love it here, I just miss people from home and I have been sick with a chest infection and a cold since the day I arrived. This is why I wanted to write this blog. To let people know it isn't always perfect. Moving somewhere new can make you feel so lost and can make you feel like you've made the wrong decision. I always want to continue developing as an individual when I move places but sometimes I feel like I am at a standstill. I'm sure people feel this way without even moving anywhere. Except when you're far away with no friends and family it makes it a little more difficult.
Don't get me wrong; this place is amazing. I find when you battle with depression and anxiety it makes it hard to maintain emotions. There will be days when I wake up and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I think to myself "what is there to even complain about? I am so grateful to live where I do and have these experiences." And then other days I wake up and think "what am I doing with my life? I'm not happy so why don't I move back home? I can find a job there, don't have to worry about any working holiday visa and I can travel in my own time when I have holidays. I don't need to move to the country." It's so back and forth and it is very frustrating. Our minds go and don't shut up. So how does one manage this? I'm still trying to figure that out but I have a few ways.
- Meditation. I'm going to be honest; sometimes this doesn't help. I meditate every morning to start my day off right. Some mornings I wake up fine and the meditation goes well. Other mornings not so much. I'll wake up in a not so great mood and will try to meditate but my mind just can't seem to focus on one thing. Meditation is a process and doesn't always go the way you expect it to. My mind will just run with ideas and then boom 20 minutes of my meditation has passed and I have not been present for 1 minute of it. Other days I try to be mindful of my thoughts. I will write down what I am thinking and process my feelings. Why do I feel this way? What can I do to change it? Again, only sometimes this works. Other days I sit and cry because I feel like you just need to do that. Releasing emotions is very therapeutic.
- Yoga. Most people know that I love yoga, love attending yoga classes and love teaching yoga. I haven't attended a yoga class here in Galway yet because it isn't as popular as one might think. Back at home, there was a studio on every corner and it was hot yoga. Here, not really a thing. I have been doing my own practice because for that one hour I don't think of anything but the pose I am in. My mind is present and nothing else in the world matters. Yoga is probably the one thing that makes me feel most like myself. I should probably go and do some yoga now actually.
- Get outside. Nature has a way of loving you and making you feel whole. Being outside and seeing the greenery, the water, the smell of the ocean, the breeze from the wind, all of these things make you feel alive. Sometimes I will look up to the sky and just think to myself "I am this teeny tiny little person in this massive world. There is so much to be discovered in my life and I am choosing this moment to let something silly affect my mood. To let something that didn't go my way ruin my day." I have to remind myself daily that life really isn't that bad. It can always be worse. Could it also be better? Maybe. But if we always thought, "oh my life could be better" we would all lead a miserable life. We would never be happy. At the end of the day, my life is wonderful. Sometimes we take moments or opportunities for granted because we get caught up in the "what if." We get caught up in the "I wish my life was more like this." I think the moral of the story is to be grateful for what we do have. Appreciate life and all that comes with it.
- Hangout with people. Sometimes this can be hard especially when moving to a new country and not knowing anyone. For some reason, this time around I am struggling to make new friends. In Australia, there were so many Facebook pages/groups where you could meet new people but I am finding in Galway it isn't as easy. I have made a couple of friends which has been lovely but sometimes you want your "home friends" to be here with you. Anyone fancy a visit anytime soon? Making new friends doesn't just happen overnight either. You need to get to know someone, see what their interests are and hope that you will get along. My task for this month, make some new friends.
- Journal. This helps me a lot. Like I said before writing down my feelings helps me to understand why I'm feeling the way I am. Also, writing down things that you are grateful for. This really puts things into perspective. Even before I go to bed I say 5 things I am grateful for. If you have a grateful mind it leaves no room for you to feel that you want more. Even having this blog really makes me feel better. It's an outlet for me and I am sure there are other people who feel the same way I do when it comes to emotions or when it comes to feeling confused about our choices.
I find sometimes I don't live in the present. I'm always thinking of what my next step will be or what I will be doing next. It doesn't really help when people always ask, "What are you going to do for work? Where are you going to move next? When are you moving back home?" This creates a bit of anxiety for me because it makes me feel that my choices right now aren't the right ones in other peoples mind. I know that isn't the intention when people ask these questions. They are just interested in my life. And I also know I shouldn't care about what other people think of my choices, which I don't. They just sometimes make me second-guess myself. I know what I am doing; I am doing it for me and no one else. It's okay to not have a solid back up plan. I always found that if you have a backup plan, you're setting yourself up for failure. However, I do have ideas as to what I want to do next but for now, I'll put that on the back burner and enjoy the present moment.
So that's where I'm at right now. No, I still don't have a job but I can definitely feel one coming this month. I will be home the beginning of July for my best friends bachelorette party and to say that I am excited is an understatement. I'm only home for 4 days and that really isn't enough. When I'm home I think I take for granted the time I have there. Now that I'm away, all I want is to be home with my friends and family. I've always had a good relationship with everyone and it's hard being away from that. However, it does make those moments when I do visit even more special. I can't wait to get there and spend time with the people I love.
For now, I will continue to power on through with these emotions. It's okay to feel down, sad, frustrated, confused. But it's always a choice as to how long we feel that way and what we do to change it. Writing all this out has helped me. So to whoever is reading this, thanks for listening.